Today, I share you what changed my life and how. It’s not for everyone, but if you want your life to be better, this might give you some ideas on what you can do about your life.
Some people are optimistic and some are pessimistic. Some people receive their motivation from non-perfect things like tough challenges (to make them perfect), or negative things like poverty, pain, recession etc. The others are motivated by wonderful, positive things like, love, happiness and peace.
I grew up in the environment where the negativity was used to motivate. People including myself saw what’s not perfect, the missing pieces to complete a job rather than what’s achieved or completed so far. Next challenges were often talked about more than praises for what’s already done. It’s not unfair to say that ‘You only have one job left to make it perfect.’ was the highest compliment I felt. When the job was completed, I felt some satisfaction but soon enough, next challenges were given with words that point out what’s not perfect about the next challenges to encourage me.
Many years later, I found myself lost in my life. I felt like I was in the dark tunnel that seemed had no end to bring me lights. Challenges didn’t motivate me anymore, all I felt was struggle to get to the better place that I didn’t seem to get to. When I think back now, I was definitely in the better place than I was years ago. I just didn’t feel satisfied or maybe I became incapable to feel about what I had achieved. Fortunately, I encountered the optimistic way of thinking. That’s when I realized that pessimistic concept didn’t work for me any more.
I started to think what I already have. I started to notice wonderful things around me rather than the missing, non-perfect pieces of my life. Then, I reached to the point I always wanted to be, I was feeling at peace.
This is a wonderful feeling. I don’t want to lose it. I want to keep it for the rest of my life. I find that staying in the peaceful mind actually gives me power to enhance my life, it’s much more powerful energy than what the pessimistic concept gave me. I now enjoy every status of my life. I don’t feel enhancing my life as challenges because I enjoy each process of it and the best of all, it happens so naturally without me feeling making effort. A bit like a new day comes whether you are aware or not. I get pleasantly surprised by my enhanced life when it finds me, and enjoy the new state of my life. Apparently, I subconsciously keep creating more enhancing state of life while I’m enjoying the current status.
This is, maybe, what’s called the attitude of gratitude.
When this topic comes in, people who complain often are talked about as bad examples.
I don’t think I complain a lot. I’m not a talker anyway, I always prefer to be an observer or thinker instead. I mean, I’m happy to talk with friends and family, but just being there with them, not talking much can be a quality time sometimes. Some of you might question what I do in this quality time if I’m not talking, the quality time can be spent by reading books together, watching the views, listening to the music, when ‘just being there with them’ is valued, you don’t need much talking.
When I was younger, I wondered what those chatty people talk, where their conversation topics come from. Then I found some of them were those ‘can’t stop complaining’ type unfortunately. The worst I found was people who complain for the sake of complaining. This kind of people keep complaining about what seemed not important (to me anyway), and they don’t do anything about solving problems even though the opportunities are given. Complaining won’t solve the problems. They just love to complain, especially about other people.
Don’t get me wrong, I do complain too. I’m not perfect. I do feel frustrated like everyone does, I sometimes do feel desperate like every person on this planet does. But what I know is holding onto those feelings will only prolong them because feelings perpetuate themselves. So what do I do about it? What can you do about it? There are ways that you can choose.
When someone is complaining about you
It’s simple, just let it go. Frustration creates more frustration. Desperation creates more desperation. Think this way: if you complain back, you are no better person than who complained about you. You know you are better than that and you are worth more. If you cannot do so, read the next ‘when you are complaining’ section.
When you are complaining
- Recognize when you are complaining if you can. I can usually notice myself when I’m complaining. When that happens, I try to stop, because I often see myself ugly or pitiful by complaining about something not important. If what you’re complaining about is something you cannot change or the time will solve, then let it go.
- Write down the complaints. In my case I use a computer and type as if I’m writing a complaint letter to someone. As I type, again, I often find myself or my mind being in the miserable state. I notice the document I typed is not worth saving so I delete all together with my negative feelings.
- Talk to someone who can handle this matter: If you cannot overcome the negative thoughts on your own, talk to someone. A counselor or a therapist is the best option because they know how to handle this (and it’s not something to shame of or as expensive as you might think).
Now, I mentioned seeing a professional. I have something to say about that. People tend to take a step back when going to see a professional is an potion. I know I do. In my case it’s because seeing a professional feels like a failure, because it costs, because the problem seems not big enough to see someone outside. But failure is not a shame, everyone experiences it. How about if a few sessions with a professional lighten up your life totally? Sure it doesn’t come free, but if you let your problem take over your life for the rest of your life, it can only go worse and go into a vicious circle. That would be much more expensive than the counseling costs. You might think your problem is not big enough to see someone? The smaller problem the easier to overcome. When the problem gets too big, even a professional has trouble resolving. Then you might have no choice other than the real failure, the rock bottom. Apparently, many people come to counseling when it’s too late. Don’t let that happen to yourself, while the failure you feel is small, it still has chances to recover.
I personally have experience of seeing a counselor. Yes I felt I failed myself when I decided to see a professional. I didn’t even know if I needed to see someone given the size of my problem, but I wanted to end my vicious circle. The first session was rather frustrating because it was lots of seeing the background and circumstances rather than the solution. (I was expecting too much in the first session.) But after the second session, I felt so good about myself making the decision. Because I asked for help in the early stage of my problem, I didn’t need many sessions. My counselor helped me finding my own way of resolving the problem and it lightened up my life totally.
The solution you find in the counseling can often be useful for other problems you might encounter later in your life, so it’s a life long solution you can discover in one set of sessions.
In short, what I found to change my life is this:
When you find peaceful mind in yourself, your circumstances change for you, more precisely, you change the circumstances that you are truly at peace with. I hope this helps you too.
... I appreciate your support.
